TERROR ON TOUR (1980)
We start off at a show for a Kiss like band called “The Clowns”. They have big black wigs, white faces and makeup that gives one side of their face a smile and the other half a frown. On the frown side of their faces is a droopy mask that covers one of their eyes.
The Clowns schtick is they chop up dummies on stage and fake stab ladies on stage. They used to be a pop band with beautiful melodic songs. But that didn’t get the chicks, man.
When these guys are off stage, they are the dorkiest normiest looking gents making bad jokes and acting really terribly. These guys were an actual band called The Names. Who honestly, aren’t that bad.
One of the sound guys for The Clowns is a shy boy named Herb. Herb wears The Clowns get up after shows so he can get laid. ewww.
After a rockin’ Clowns performance, a drug dealer/prostitute is stabbed with a giant knife by one of The Clowns. But which one!? They all look the same!
Where I wished this movie went from there is The Clowns are also a rag tag team of junior detectives. And they cease their next show until this mystery is solved! NOPE! They just go back to doing blow and getting laid.
There is a scene in the same club after the first concert scene where they just seem to be hanging out. No show, no press. full make up, tables of drinks (that get knocked over) and a room with blood on the walls where each of the clowns go down to get gone down on. Meanwhile more ladies with misplaced shirts are getting stabbed by one of The Clowns.
I should mention that even though The Clowns talk about tour alot, They seem to be at the same club three nights in a row. And when they aren’t in the club, they’re at their collective home decorated by one of their moms. So they aren’t on tour. But “Terror at the Same Theater in Milwaukee” is a terrible name.
A detective calls upon one of his favorite customers, a prostitute/drug dealer named Nancy to infiltrate the back stages of the Clowns show. Now, you think tough Nancy is going to get the bottom of this and kick some evil clown ass, nope. She goes out just like the rest. Except her shirt is still on.
The finale shows patsy, I mean Herb stalking around the backstage putting on his make up while The Clowns play the longest song ever and people are getting killed left and right.
This movie has some good gore, some rockin tunes and plenty of cheesy dialogue. I would like to call this movie for every female character depicted as an idiot, but so is every other character in the movie.
Things to keep an your eye out for: topless ladies, cheeseheads, crazy christians, home decor, great T-shirts, sold out shows with eighteen people, red herrings and a man cueing the end of the film.
I liked it. Terror On Tour goes for about $50 on most websites. I’m glad I scored it for a buck at a GoodWill. It shall be screened.